For the past six months, I have been adjusting to a new home and the reality of being a homeowner once again…I am a mother, a wife and a creature of routine. My whole family relies on me to be the one thing that’s consistent and who is responsible for managing our lives…simply saying, I like to know where most of our things are, who’s needs are or aren’t being met and what the expenses “might be”, during any given season and in the state of Connecticut, that’s just random.
House Rule #1: Make peace with what I can or can’t do, on any given day and at any given time.
Today, I am telling myself if I just fold the laundry while ignoring everything else around me, that’s awesome. The truth is…if I don’t, I am likely to get swallowed up in the endless amount of work that still needs to be done and in that one room alone, it’s actually quit likely, I might end up painting some impulsive “oops” color, because it was on sale at the hardware store?
House Rule #2: Don’t fuel my fear of failing with food!
It doesn’t take long for bad habits to creep back into our lives and quickly turn what was, something so small, like a pint of my favorite ice cream into something so big…like, a very big panic attack. First I am not able to find the only pair of pants that fits and then I see my 13 year old daughter wearing them and cry, because, last year I was a tenant who had enough time for myself to work out and wear them? I can probably top that by spending my free time building a gym for my husband, that I will never enjoy, because, I broke my back putting the equipment together.
House Rule #3: Stop feeling sorry for myself!
I randomly slept in my car, just to prove to myself that I don’t need a real roof over my head and can handle being homeless…just in case, I can’t keep it all together and if all I had hoped this journey would be, goes down…the way a bowl of flaming hot Cheetos does, the day after, I so eagerly devoured them.
The hardest part is being too tired to share real joy with the people I love the most. What I know is, it can all become a downward spiral, if I let it. The feelings I am having are real and the way that I deal with the outcome of my circumstaces is my choice. I am writing this today as a reminder to myself to get back to basics and remember why I started this beautiful family, that I am grateful for:) #365DaysofJoy one day at a time.